Terminal City News
by NBGirl
Summary: Should Nomlies keep pets? How do you get bloodstains out of leather? Why are the PsyOps getting all the best rooms? Get all the news from inside the (yeah right) unbreakable Siege of Terminal City.


**Author's Note: Please read Streets of Seattle for the view from outside the Terminal City gates.**

**TERMINAL CITY NEWS******

When several charming, lovely transgenics approached us and asked us to ghostwrite a newspaper for their charming, lovely town of Terminal City, who were we to say no? Especially when they were sitting(in a charming, lovely fashion)  in our living room at 4am, having either slipped by or killed whomever was manning the siege at the moment.  Honestly, we didn't want to know which it was.  Some let us use their names.  Some chose to remain anonymous.  Oh, and they mentioned that this material was only for the information of those within Terminal City and shouldn't be read by anyone outside the borders. And they have this way of knowing things.  So if you are outside, and you are reading, some charming and lovely people will be ringing your doorbell shortly.

**Editor-in-Chief: Jennem1******

**Senior Editor: DAF9******

Chief Financial Officer/Management Goddess: Logans_Babe Contributing Reporter: Kimmy Contributing Reporter: Dark999Moon Contributing Reporter: DCRracing Contributing Reporter: SK452 Contributing Reporter: X5547 Contributing Reporter: Melasand Contributing Reporter: Bluebell28 Contributing Reporter: Darkfan4 

**************************************************************LETTERS TO THE EDITOR   
**Dear Editor, I recently found out that my human husband is one of the members of the angry horde outside Terminal City. Do you have any ideas on what to do to stop him from making me look like a fool? Or any items I can throw at him? 

Sincerely, Angry in the Dirty Burbs 

_Editor's Note: Try an "I'm not with Stupid" T-shirt. Or send $199.95 and we'll send you the "Streets of Seattle Quickie Foolproof Divorce Kit."* _

_*Patent pending. Requires 6-week stay in Bolivia and small blood donation._

Dear Editor, I've been doing some research into a "virus" for one of Terminal City's occupants. However, with all the people outside your charming "City", it has become increasingly harder to contact my buyer. Could you please find "Max" and tell her I want my money? 

Sincerely, A Guy outside the Wire w/o his Buyer

Editor's note: Get in line. Half our male staff is trying to find "Max." Make that three-quarters. We never should have run that photo with the catsuit. 

Dear Editor,

Could someone please look into who is stealing all the toothpaste? Our supply is short as it is. I'd start looking in the kits of any nomlies with fangs.  
Thank you.  
  
Dear Editor  
Can someone please look into who is drinking all the milk we manage to get brought in. I have the shakes so bad right now and I need something to help stop them.  
Would sign but my hand is shaking too much.  
  
Dear Editor,  
I wrote you a story and you rejected it. It was a good story. All about nomlies and pets and I included helpful recipes. What do you have to do to get published around here?  
Jocco  
**************************************************************LOCAL NEWS**  
ANAEROBES AGAINST OXYGEN  
by DAF9

Hey! All you non-oxygen breathers out there. It's time to take action! Surely there's a corner of Terminal City we can make our own? Seal off a few rooms.... so we can stop wearing these awkward and uncomfortable breathing apparati?  
  
Sign our petition. Max is reputed to be pretty sympathetic for an X-5.  
  


**_WE NEED A NEW HEAD COOK!_**

**_By A Very Concerned Party (Kimmy)_**

First of all, people if we want to be addressed as humans we should able to consume quality food like them. I mean sheesh come on. The stuff they're serving up at the moment is worse than that gray indefinable slop they shoveled into us at Manticore. Not that anyone wants reminders of that place… And for ****'s sake, I don't think the general populace appreciate having to crunch on weevils and ants. I know that the supplies come in fresh and uncontaminated, so something's up in that kitchen. I'm attempting to emphasize the critical point of the matter here.

So listen up. This is a call. No, an appeal for a chef!

If you fit the profile, please step up:

Some food preparation experience Superior taste and smell senses Clean appearance High level personal hygiene Capability to lead and direct others in the kitchen Willingness to be a team player 

Okay if you feel you have the above gene-bestowed talent and experience necessary please drop a note in the comments box at the TC central, under the clock tower by tomorrow. After deliberating with the other leaders, the cook chosen will be contacted. This matter will be finalized by week's end. People need food to live; we eat to live and live to fight another day. Peace Out.

SHOWS HOW STUPID HUMANS ARE

**_By X5547_**

News was recently brought in about three young Normals walking alone through a deserted neighborhood that they suspected Transgenics of hiding in. The young men were reportedly carrying large firearms and calling out, "Here Tranie". As we all know, anyone stupid enough to be out there deserves what they get. However, this is just too stupid to be forgotten. As these young men scoured the area, a cat jumping out of a trashcan startled them. One of these men reportedly screamed out, "Transgenic!!!" which caused the other two men to spin around and shoot at the trashcan. "The boy who cried Wolf!!" was shot once in the behind when a bullet ricocheted off of the trashcan into his large back end. His friends had to carry him to the nearest Sector Police area, where the Police, after hearing their story, burst into laughter and called this reporter .The Cat managed to escape. 

_WHY WE NEED TO STOP FORMING CLIQUES_

**_By SK452_**

How are the ordinaries ever going to take any transgenic seriously, if none of them can even tolerate each other? It probably looks like there is something wrong with each group; special ops, psy ops, x-series, the nomlies, etc., and everyone is afraid they'll catch something from another group! Look at this, it's ridiculous! We were all created in the same way, in a test tube. 

Also, cliques are annoying. Some are jealous that they don't look more unusual, because they want to know what the nomlies are up to. Nomlies wish they looked more like X-series so they could sometimes pass as human. No one suffers more than psy ops cliques. They have a hard time deceiving other psy ops and that of course can be very irritating. Bottom line, cliques don't do anyone any good. 

**_SECRET PASSAGEWAYS_**

**_BY LOGANS_BABE_**

It seems Terminal City citizens have more than just the usual ways to get about the city. Tunnels have been discovered underground leading to various parts of the city. No word yet of any way OUT of the city through these tunnels, but we are hoping to "uncover" a tunnel or two incase of an emergency evacuation... or something else... 

**_PSYOPS- PLEASE READ_**

**_By DAF9_**

A number of residents have been complaining that their rations have mysteriously disappeared while they were carrying them. Starting tomorrow, any psyops caught stealing other transgenics rations will have the words "PSYOPS - do not approach!" tattooed in fluorescent blue on his or her face. 

We're all in this together. Please behave appropriately so we are not forced to take this drastic action. 

MAN KILLED NOT TRANSGENIC

**_By LOGANS_BABE_**

After doing an autopsy on a man who was beaten to death last Friday, coroners say that the man that was killed was not a transgenic.

The man, 26-year-old Allen Gertner, was walking down South Street when he was set upon by a mob. Apparently because of a rare skin disease, the mob allegedly though him Transgenic. 

Police say that this beating was a great sorrow, but they will not search out Gertner's killers.

**_BE GLAD YOU'RE NOT MAX  
by DAF9_**

A number of my fellow 'citizens' of Terminal City have been complaining recently about the influx of X-5s into our community. After all, while they may be technically transgenics, X-5s are able to pass as normal human beings. In particular, I've heard a lot of complaints voiced about this X-5 named Max, who has not only joined our community but somehow has become it's self-appointed leader.

Stronger, smarter, faster and able to kick a$$ even among her fellow X-5s, Max has a deep dark secret.  
  
Unique among elite, Max alone has a highly unusual genetic makeup that is totally lacking in junk DNA.  
  
Sounds good doesn't it?  
  
But think about it a bit.  
  
So-called junk DNA makes up greater than 90% of the normal human or transgenic genome. A person with no junk DNA has a genome so radically different from any other individual on the planet that they represent a completely new species.  
  
By definition, members of one species cannot successfully reproduce with members of another. Hence, Max is not only unique but is fated to remain so unless a male member of her species is found.  
  
Envy her if you insist, but me, I feel sorry for her.  
  


CITIZENSHIP IN TC

**_By Logans_Babe_**

The great and mighty Max, of the X5s, has asserted her authority once again. She declared to hundreds of witnesses last night that anyone wanting to stay inside of Terminal City must become a citizen of TC! We are to have little cards for our names and what "line" we are in. That way the housing process will flow much easier and we will be able to tell who belongs here in TC and who doesn't. Max also made the comment that this will lower the crime rate in TC. No word yet when this new citizenship thing will come to pass, but many Transgenics are hoping it is soon. 

**_TERMINAL CITY ARTISTS TO HOLD ART SHOW  
by MELASAND_**

Inspired by our very own artist Joshua's flag, it was decided that Terminal City should hold its very own art show. Joshua will be exhibiting some of his newest paintings including a rather lovely picture of our leader Max and our friend Logan. Alec has also decided to try his hand at a little art, though as yet no one has had the heart to tell him that no money will be changing hands. When he finds this out it may dampen his enthusiasm for the project, but at the moment he is busy creating, using Gem and her baby as models for his attempts, he seems to be progressing very well seeming to have a real flair for the arts, already  
being an accomplished piano player.

The art bug is spreading through Terminal City, as more and more people decide to try their hand at painting. Art supplies have been in short supply but our new friends Sketchy and OC have been good enough to go out and bring in quantities of paint and paper for us. Max has been out and about too getting money to fund the art show, though she has declined to try her hand at painting. Many different styles are emerging and we are planning to ask Logan to judge the show, as Max tells us he has a real appreciation of paintings. It is being debated as to whether or not to exhibit the pictures so they can be seen by the people of Seattle as well as by those of us here in Terminal City. A committee has been set up to debate this and is being headed by Mole, but as yet they have reached no decisions.

As more and more Transgenics head into terminal city and our numbers grow we are trying to become a real community, and group activities of this kind should help to bring us together. The deadline for the show is drawing near and anyone still wishing  
to enter should contact Joshua who is acting as the shows coordinator.

**_ATTENTION FELLOW TRANSGENICS_**

By DAF9 

 Listen up Folks! 

 According to some of our fellow citizens of Terminal City who have been sneaking out to bring in supplies the government is planning to attack us sometime in the next month with genetically engineered mosquitoes. These insects are supposed to be carrying viruses tailored specifically to our DNA and designed to give us fatal diseases. 

 Max and Logan apparently have some experience with this government tactic and are working on a plan. 

In the meantime, would all insectivore transgenics please report to the perimeter guard post at o- six hundred hours tomorrow? Don't bother to eat breakfast beforehand. 

ALEC STARTS TC BOXING LEAGUE

**_By MELASAND_**

It has recently come to light that there is some friction between the various groups that are starting to form within terminal City. It has been suggested that it would be better for all concerned if we could mix more freely, and to this end Alec has started up a boxing league. Alec has said he is more than happy to undertake this task, though there has been some suggestion that Max threatened to give him a lesson if he did not start pulling his weight. Anyone interested in joining the group should either see Alec, or sign up on the list, which was last seen by the water pipes.

The first meeting was sparsely attended, however it went well with a lot of fighting techniques being used, not just boxing. Tempers did flair briefly, but some clowning by Alec helped to diffuse the situation. The meeting broke up with everyone full of enthusiasm and happy to meet up again the following week. Alec is eager to obtain some sets of boxing gloves, ones that will fit paws may need to be custom made but he is full of hopes of having a fighting group soon.

There is also a rumor going round about a few X5's sneaking out and fighting in bars for money after lessons. More on this if the rumors can be proved. 

**_SPECIAL REQUEST FOR ALL CLONES_**

**_By DAF9_**

Your elected representatives here in Terminal City have had reports of several serious altercations that have broken out arising from mistaken identities. Would those of you who have one or more clones PLEASE report to command headquarters to pick up your nametags. We respectfully request that you wear them at all times to avoid further confusion. 

Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated. 

**_TERMINAL CITY MEDICAL CLINIC_**

**_By X5547_**

We are happy to announce the opening of the first Terminal City Medical Clinic. We can help you with anything from Human inflicted injuries to Childbirth. Our equipment is a bit outdated, but we will do what we can to keep you well." - Statement by Head Practitioner Lisa (from the Medical Division of Manticore) announcing the opening of the new TC Medical Clinic (located beside the old Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant). 

Starting this Friday, the new Terminal City Medical Clinic will be open for business. After a short tour of the Medical Center, this reporter found the interior to be quite adequate, if not totally symmetrical. According to Lisa, "Buck tooth" Dave (a Nomlie with Beaver DNA), had been helping to create some needed tables, chairs, and other supplies. "Buck tooth" Dave has issued this statement: "I worked (expletive deleted) hard to make this place functional again, and nobody better complain!!" Lisa promises that all medical tables will be sanitized (to make sure there is no human DNA left), and all new tables, chairs, etc. will be sanded and smoothed. The Clinic Hours are from 6 am to 11 pm. However, if there is an emergency, Lisa can be reacted at Housing Building 4, room 38. Also, Lisa is in need of a few part time and full time helpers. If you passed "Field Med 101", or are a trained specialist, please stop by. 

**_ALEC INJURED IN MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES_**

**_By MELASAND_**

By now our readers will be aware that Alec has started up a boxing league here in Terminal city, while it got off to a shaky start it is now quite popular. However it seems our boy may have bitten off more than he can chew after the incidents of last night. Alec was discovered on the outskirts of Terminal city in what can only be described as a less than healthy condition. He looks to be blunt, as if he has been in a fight for his life, having suffered lacerations, and severe bruising to his face and upper body. As well as a broken arm and more lacerations to his legs, his knuckles are well bruised suggesting that he was fighting back. He is not saying how he incurred these injuries at the moment, it is reported that Alec's mouth is too swollen for him to talk, but you just know Max is going to get the truth out of him one way or the other. At present there are several theories going around, the most popular of which is that those guys from that bar that he is supposed to have been going to finally caught up with him, and inflicted a bit of payback for all the fights he allegedly won. Other theories include a suggestion that maybe some of his pupils decided to teach the teacher a lesson, or that Alec fell down the stairs (though this is thought highly unlikely). Whatever the true story, I hear that Max is intending to have a very serious talk with him to find out just what was going on, there is also a rumor that when she gets through with him he could have a few more injuries depending on what he tells her. She is said to be very unhappy with the idea that he might have been fighting in bars; after all there are easier ways for an X5 to get money. There are plenty of lowlifes out there who are not gonna be real happy about contacting the sector police about some lost cash or items. Whatever the true story you can rest assured we shall discover the truth.

**_NOTICE_**

**_By DAF9_**

Would the kids who got stole Logan Cale's cell phone and have been making taunting phone calls to the Sector Police, PLEASE cease and desist AT ONCE. You're just making them angry and making it harder for the supply parties to get in and out. 

And bring the phone to command headquarters. If you comply immediately, there will be no punishment. Logan says you can keep the comb and razor. 

**_THE SCOOP ON PSYOPS ROOMS IN TERMINAL CITY  
by Gera (dark999moon)_**

Here in Terminal City, everyone knows that there are three grades of rooms: Awful Rooms, Not That Bad Rooms, and Those Wonderful Rooms That All The Psyops Seem To Get. What everyone doesn't know is that the Psyops are using their freaky mental powers to steal all those wonderful rooms that no one else has ever seen.

I say it is time for a change! Let the Psyops have my smelly little closet and I will take a glamorous room like they must have! Let us throw them out in the streets and steal all those extra rations they must be hiding!

How do we know that they are doing this? I know I would, if I had mental powers! Those dirty sneaks are taking all the good women too! Why else would Jes be with Angi instead of me, Gera? I think that..  
Psyops are great people!  
No wait I mean...  
That if they were stealing all the good rooms, extra food, and the good women, which they AREN'T, they would deserve them.  
...boy does my head hurt...  
In conclusion...  
We should be very very happy that the Psyops choose to live with us instead of out with the Norms and be very nice to them.

**************************************************FEATURES**

**_IS IT OK FOR NOMLIES TO KEEP PETS?_**

_Joshua, nomlie_  
Pets are good. I like pets. Pets are happy to see you. You shouldn't eat pets. Not even cats. Eat macaroni and cheese. Not cats.  
  
_Elsie, nomlie  
_Eating cheese is cruel and inhuman and takes food out of the mouths of young calves! Please rethink your position on this issue.  
  
_Zed, nomlie  
_Personally I recommend eating humans. NOBODY likes THEM!  
  
_Lisa, X5  
_Should nomlies keep pets? No I don't think so. My boyfriend is part cat and part ferret and I have enough trouble taking care of him. If he had a pet too they'd just egg each other on, seeing who could chew up more of my shoes or catch the most rats. No way.  
  
_El, X6   
_I don't think that Nomlies should keep pets; this has become a big problem out on RR Xing Street. There have been so many pet normals dying that we have had to ban them.  
  
_Liz, PsyOps  
_Can we keep normals as pets? Some of the little ones are cute.  
  
_Ed. Note: Yes but you have to be very careful with them. They're awfully fragile.  
  
_

SHOULD WE HAVE STAYED AT MANTICORE  
  
Sid, X5  
No. No way. They were about to breed me with this utter [censored]. Personally I prefer living in a besieged biohazard zone to sleeping with that [censored]. No offense, Alec.  
  
Zed, nomlie  
Yes, I think we should have stayed. I'm mostly lizard and I had a nice warm sandy dry room and all the bugs I could eat. Here it's cold and wet and all I get is stale macaroni and cheese. Then again I get to play with guns out here. And scare normals. And a lot of the X girls are pretty hot. So whatever.  
  
Stan, nomlie  
No, I got really tired of catching rats in the basement for dinner. I know I'm mostly cat but really we don't like rats as much as people seem to think.  
  
Rita, nomlie (mostly rat)  
Believe me Stan, honey, we rodent types weren't too fond of you either. 

**_BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT_**

**_By Logans_Babe_**

After a hard labor in the Jampony Express building, Gem, X5, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We don't know how much she weighs, or how long she is. But guesses are being taken. The winner will be determined by what Gem thinks the weight of her baby is. The winner will get a full day's extra rations. Contest will end today at 2:00 pm. It is now 1:58. 

**_FIRST TERMINAL CITY WEDDING!!!!  
Psyops Angi and X5 Jes to Tie the Knot!_**

**_By Tesa (Dark999moon)_**  
  
After a long and beautiful courtship, of three weeks, our very own Angi and Jes are going to be married in our first Terminal City wedding ever! The beautiful public ceremony will take place this weekend. Everyone is invited! The Minister will be standing on the other side of the fence. Please don't throw things or yell names at her, it has been very hard to get a Norm to agree to do this ceremony, and you never know when YOU may want to be married!  
  
***If you are getting married, or want to be, please contact me, Tesa. You must have a partner or you can't be married! You can only be married to one person at a time! The ceremony is free but the announcement costs three old bones or something leather!*** 

**_BABIES AND SUCH_**

**_By DarkMoon_**

We need to start a book of names or something for the babies (and nameless) of Terminal City. If I run across one more Freakie or Weirdo I swear I will scream. Demon, Satan, and Lucifer are not very original names either. I walked into a club last night and half the people there were named Satan (the other half seemed to be named Fluffy). This has become a real problem. What if we limited popular names to only one per block? Do we really need 57 people named Jon? We only have one Max, one Joshua and one Logan (well two if Sal names her baby that). Why not use color names for your baby (or yourself)? And what about animals (not that we see too many here)? Anything has to be better than having 87 people named Bob! 

_Editor's note: I would like to add that every name should have at least one or two vowels so that everyone can pronounce it! _

_Author's reply: Are you making fun of Grthp and Flppdb? _

_Editor's note: I've only been in TC for less than a month and FOUR times I've had to take friends to the medics after swallowing their tongues trying to pronounce those names, and others like them. I'm not making fun, I'm just asking for some consideration for those of us who weren't engineered to have split tongues and non-human vocal cords._

_Author's reply: Ever tried to say Philip with a forked tongue? Or Bob with no lips? Or Susie with two voice boxes? Perhaps someone should make a book of names that EVERYONE can say? _

_Editor's note: Everyone should have two, maybe three names. Like many people of Chinese origin living in the US and Canada used to have before the Pulse. One name for those of us with human speaking apparatus and a couple that are compatible with the non-human transgenics.  We could of course just all go back to using our Manticore designations...but somehow I don't think that would be very popular. _

_Bystander's commentary: Hey, I tried naming myself with a hand gesture, just to be original. But then all the flipper people complained. _

**_SISTAHS, HOW TO DEAL WITH THE HEAT BITCH_**

**_By Your 'Oh Wise One' (Kimmy)_**

Word up, you should know it's coming at least an hour before they ugly thing hits. 

Start these first steps (steps 1-4), then the rest is up to you. Just remember these four letters. F..U..C..K!  and you'll be all set.

Freeze out everyone till the bitch passes

Unless you can't help it, stay in your designated TC area.

Command self-control – you don't want to get preggo.

Kill the urge anyway you know how. Safely!

If you need some ideas take a look at these suggestions. You can thank Alec for most part: (don't ask me how he's supposed be the 'all wise' on this!)

1. Have your friends randomly shoot you with an ice cold jet of water from the super soakers you got them for just this such occasion...

2. 'Borrow' ice bags from the freezer (you use it, replace it) ...use them as pillows, blankets, padding for chairs, etc etc...

3. Temporarily sow your eyelids and nostrils shut for the 48 hours...

4. Bang the bar maid...she always seems to be ready for action... (oh wait, this is for the women ain't. Not Alec who lack restraint on a daily basis, but if you play that way … hey I've heard they swing both teams)

5. Accidentally lock yourself in the refrigerator for the duration. 

6. Rally your fellow girl pals and fill the empty testing tank using the nearby fire hydrant. Then soak the day away. 

7. Not advised if you haven't had your barcode recently lasered, but get yourself holed up over night in the local jail.

8. If you really lack self-control and feel that you'll be a real threat to yourself and others… see Max and she'll have you knocked out. When you come too and it's not over, you'll be darted again. All that smacking around will make you feel like hell the morning after but you'll thank us for it in the end. The alternative is waking up to; booze, the prick from the corner and a whole lot of self-loathing.

9. Use the Manticore taught, self-hypnosis. It'll put you into a deep sleep until the edge passes. If you need some help using the tactic, see Joshua. (Girls, please do this before fever pitch hits. Or else you'll make the big guy very pissy)

10. As a last resort, shack up with your favorite male bod and bang the night away. Just remember to play SAFE!

Hope this has been helpful my sistahs, need a shoulder to cry on, I'm always around. Yeah you know it's your boo.

CHIMES OF SORROW

**_By Logans_Babe_**

The chimes of sorrow blow softly in the wind.   
Tear coated forever more   
With pain that's held within 

PANGS OF JEALOUSY 

I get these little pangs of jealousy   
Whenever I look at you   
I'm a greedy and a selfish b!tch   
I want everything that I have   
And what you have too   
It isn't fair that you get what I really want   
And what I really need   
Maybe everything should just be mine   
And maybe that would cease my greed 

SPIRIT NIGHT  
A spirit flutters by   
With such elegant grace   
Cascading down a waterfall   
It seeks and an eternal resting place   
Through the trees and into the sky   
Until it reaches the moon   
From there into the Blue Lady's eye: the good place. I WISH 

I wish   
I could make time stand still   
That the sun would rise from the west and set in the east   
That rose petals would fall from the sky and land at my feet. 

  
********************************************************ADVICE**

Dear Advice Person  
I am going to go into heat soon, and there doesn't seem to be anyplace to hide around here. But it seems like a bad idea to be, well, getting busy in the middle of a siege. Plus I saw how big Gem's baby was and there's no way I want to be pushing out one of those, even if I do have a high pain tolerance. What do I do?  
Sincerely,  
Prefers Celibacy  
  
_Dear Prefers Celibacy  
Lock yourself up in your room, put on a tape of NSync or NKOTB and picture Michael Weatherly with an early season 2 haircut. Trust me it'll put you right off the idea of getting busy.  
Good luck_

Dear Advice Person Thingy,  
I am hooked on alcohol!! But Max and Logan say I don't need it and that they won't send anyone to get any more because it is too dangerous! I'm going through withdrawal! What should I do?  
Sincerely,  
Need More Alcohol  
  
_Dear Needs More Alcohol,  
Now why would Max and Logan be interested in your alcohol issues? Unless you're the one who was running screaming naked around the perimeter of Terminal City, taunting the reporters? If so, they have a point. Try Tryptophan and cold showers to ease the shakes, and you'll be feeling fine in a few days. It's either that or sand off your barcode and go become a dancer at the Paradise Club.  
_  
Dear Advice thing,  
I can't sleep! It's way to loud outside with all the normals yelling 24/7. I'm not lucky enough to have anything so handy as shark DNA, so I really do need to get some rest soon. I asked Max about this problem, but she just dismissed me as being annoying. Obviously she doesn't understand. Is there any way to get some quiet rest in here? Hope you really do have advice,  
Tired  
  
_Dear Tired,  
Down by the docks behind the burned out fishing shack is DAF9's used clothing and genetics emporium. Ask for the #9 combo special. It's a pair of platform shoes and a virus containing axolotl DNA (axolotls are earless salamanders). Should fix you  right up.   
_  
Dear advice person,  
How do you get bloodstains out of leather?  
Sincerely,  
Steve  
  
_Dear Steve,  
It depends on the type of blood. If it's animal blood, try sprinkling the area with salt. If it's human blood, tie the leather object around a rock and sink it in the bay. If it's transgenic blood, it doesn't matter, they'll be back to get you before you read this.  
_  
Dear Answer Person,  
I keep dreaming that I'm a crow. It's bothering me, especially since I'm half feline. I keep waking up trying to rip my own head off. What do I do?  
Split Personality.  
  
_Dear Split Personality  
Try giving yourself a good grooming before taking a nap. If that doesn't work, have yourself declawed.  
  
_

******************************************************

**CLASSIFIEDS**

Wanted: Young Hot Transgenic females to dance and entertain human men. Earn big money!,,,Eat fresh food!,,No experience necessary!,,we will train you!,,,If you are hired you will receive a sector police pass that will allow you to travel hassle free to and from work.You must be: Sex female,, you must be at least 75% female,, No open wounds,, No spitting fire or acid,,No bitting or spraying the customers in anyway,, No foul pungent odors,,No X-5s.,,,Just come by Captain Don's and say I WANT TO DANCE!. 

  
{There is also a rumor going round about a few X5's sneaking out and fighting in bars for money after lessons. More on this if the rumors can be proved}. Thank you Miss Mel for printing the above.For the last 2 weeks we have had some "Pretty Boy" fighting in the "Captain Don's Boxing for Blood Drive" and this Pretty Boy has cleaned house with Seattles best street fighters.Well its just come to my attention that this punk is one of those "Hopped Up" X-5 freaks.Im sorry but our boxing is for humans only, and I want to make a statement,,,,NOTE: TO ALL X-5,X-6 OR ANY OTHER FREAKS,YOU ARE NOT WANTED IN OUR HUMAN BOXING LEAGUE!!!!!..............And to that Pretty Boy X-5,,if you show your up at Captain Don's we will cut off your bar code and sew it to your face!!!!....................................Thank you,Captain Don..........

Wanted:Real Transgenic blood.I will pay $10US for every pint of Transgenic blood.I will not except blood in jars or bottles,the Transgenic must come by Captain Don's by the pier and have the blood removed.I will buy as much as you can spare............... ............................Thank you!,,Captain Don........................................ 

  
PUBLIC NOTICE: BABY DROP CHUTE REOPENS 

NOTICE: For the last few years Captain Don as been more than happy to take un-wanted babies off the hands of mothers that had no use for then.As many of you know do to a severe rat infestation Captain Don had to close our 24Hr baby drop-off chute,,,,I know this has been a set back in cleaning up the streets of Seattle,as many babies are just dumped in the gutter or street,,,So we are very proud to announce that shortly after feeding the local cats some "Kitty-Crack" we no longer have a rat problem and have re-opened our 24Hr Baby drop-off chute.All a mother has to do is stop by the Baby-Pink building and choose the proper insulted baby bag[Blue for human]-[Green for Transgenics],,place baby in the bag,,seal the bag and open drop chute door,place baby inside and close door.The baby will slide down and drop on a large piece of foam,we will care for the bady in the morning and put the little darling in to innovatory........................... ......................Thanks! .........................Captain Don...................... 


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